Rekindling Love

There can often be times in your marriage or significant relationship where you wonder where the love has gone. Somehow, in the hum-drum of our regular lives and routines, the passion we once felt for our partner disappears and we drift apart, leaving us feeling alone and perhaps worried or confused. We question whether we can ever get the love back and feel truly connected again.

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The good news is that any relationship can be improved if both parties are willing to engage with the process. Very often, the experience of ‘losing the love’ (and finding it again) can teach couples a lot about each other and about themselves. Love can frequently be rekindled and often to a couple’s surprise, their love may grow deeper than it has ever been.

How can I rebuild our relationship?

Rekindling the love can be as simple as changing a few routines at home to give you more time together, going on a ‘date night’ once a month, scheduling time for intimacy or socialising more together. In other cases however, couples have drifted apart so much that they may feel as if they really don’t know each other anymore. In any case, some general recommendations on building stronger relationships can be made:

1. Make a conscious effort to look for the positive, likeable characteristics in your partner and express your appreciation of these qualities to him/her often

2. Talk about your partner in positive terms to others and watch your self talk too – no relationship can grow on criticism. We grow only on our strengths.

3. Learn how to communicate your needs in more effective ways – build your skills so you can communicate assertively without threatening your partner or being submissive

4. Learn how to listen more effectively. These skills are learned and are not something we are born with.

5. Remember that good relationships are not left on ‘auto pilot’. Couples need to consciously steer their relationship or it will go off course

6. Invest by learning more about relationships and love – perhaps do a course together or attend yourself (or with a friend) if your partner is unwilling.

7. Attend counseling if a serious issue needs to be discussed or resolved.

Relationships Australia supports all individuals and couples to maintain healthy relationships wherever possible. It is true that relationships such as marriages can feel like hard work at times, and this normal. However, it is also true that there can be great joy in a fulfilled, loving and committed relationship. We urge you to put time into your relationship so you too can gain the rich rewards that can unfold.

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